There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The Olympian is in my bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
