but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
