I puked a lego.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
cat food counts as protein by the way
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
