Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
