If that was your dad, he is hot
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
