my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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