She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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