Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
