Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So vagazzling was a success
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
