i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
