We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
