So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
