No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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