yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
