I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
