Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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