I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
