they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
