ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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