He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
