No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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