Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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