I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
