During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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