So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
