sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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