I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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