I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
