I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
