Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize