Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
