Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
