I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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