I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
