Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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