Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
