my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
