Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize