Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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