what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Houston, we have a blender
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
