I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
