this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
