I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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