her vagine was all disorganized.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
