You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
