did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
