Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
