Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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