Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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