Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
