Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
