you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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