im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
