it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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