I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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