I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
