I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize