i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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