I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
