So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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