getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
