bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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