there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He better not be in your backpack
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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