I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
