I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
