so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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