i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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