ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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