please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
