Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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