I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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