just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
