he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
