It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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