So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
